I am Liza Long's Son
Liza Long is a mother who wrote an essay titled "I am Adam Lanza's mother." She wrote her Essay from the perspective of being a mother of a child who displays episodes of anger.
I am not literally Liza Long's son. I am someone who understands the perspective of the son. I see the need to post a reply from the perspective of the son.
I have Asperger Syndrome. I want to say something from the perspective of having Aspergers Syndrome. I want to be clear about this not being from the perspective of the shooter in Newtown. I am writing speaking from the perspective of having Aspergers syndrome.
This tragedy has triggered a renewed focus on mental illness. Ultimately, I think this all comes down to bullying. If we are going to encourage people with mental illnesses to seek treatment, then in order for them to do that, they have to be assured that they will not be bullied for having a mental illness.
PTSD is listed in the DSM. Incessant bullying over a duration of time, can result with having PTSD. The symptoms of PTSD that show up in a bully victim then brings about even more persistent bullying.
If I am going to talk about the subject of bullying, first I have to point out the obvious that yes, Adam Lanza did the ultimate form of bullying. There is no need for me to re-report what he did. Regardless of how much Adam Lanza may have been bullied, there is absolutely no excuse for his decision to do what he did.
As I mentioned, I have Asperger Syndrome. I do not suffer from Asperger Syndrome. I suffer from the bullying I get from other people. People with Asperger Syndrome have been bully victims before this tragedy. I fear the bullying will get worse after the tragedy in Newtown.
A person with Asperger Syndrome who is bullied is more likely to commit Suicide without hurting anyone else. Anyone who would ever say people on the Autistic spectrum have any higher odds of committing murder are saying that completely out of their own fear, and prejudice, and misunderstanding.
I started out saying I want to respond to Liza Long. I want to respond to the following quote.
"My 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.
“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.
“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.”
“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!”
“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.”
-End of quote
When I read the mother's words, I don't take it at face value that she is being completely honest. We can't even assume if she doesn't have a mental illness.
It is not fair to the son that everyone hears a one sided argument without hearing any response from the son. Before rushing to judge the son, a lot of facts are missing that only the son can provide.
The mother claims her son missed the bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants. It is not possible that the color of the pants can have anything to do with missing a bus. Unless it's dark outside and the bus driver blows right by without seeing anyone. In this particular case sunrise had most likely occurred.
The actual reason the son missed the bus is because the mother decided to make a huge time consuming argument about navy blue pants, which caused the son to miss the bus.
The son claims that someone at the school told him he was allowed to wear the navy blue pants. I actually believe the son's side of the story.
If someone at the school did tell him he was allowed to wear the navy blue pants, then.
a. The person at the school who told him he was allowed to wear the navy blue pants was misinformed, and un-intentionally gave false information.
b. The person intentionally lied to the kid just for the kicks of playing mind games.
It has happened before. People lie to me all of the time.
"“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted."
I say again. I believe the son was telling the truth. The mother didn't believe her son, and she had to continue on with the argument.
The mother writes the following quote:
"“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable."
This is a statement that comes from an insane person. No parent should ever tell their child the words, "You Can't." It is never affable or reasonable to ever say those words to a child.
My mother told me those words. It infuriates me. And then my mother would be ever more attacking because of the way I responded to those words. Those words can destroy a child's self esteem. Or they program the child to carry on the same shit to their own children. You can't say the words "you can't " and then try to sugar coat it by claiming you said it rationally. I think I just used those words as my own without using it as a quote from someone else.
A child instinctively knows that the words "you can't" are destructive words that assaults their self esteem. When you say those words to a child, the result is that it pisses the child off. It is bullying and abusive to continue on with chastising that child when the child reacts in anger after hearing those words.
If the school does in fact have a dress code, it can make sense to eliminate the bullying based on what a person wears.
But why allow black pants or khaki pants, but not navy blue pants?
A quote from Liza Long:
"I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am James Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother."
There are missing details that need to be filled in by the son. I don't know if his khaki pants were in the wash or if he even has a pair khaki pants. The son's only other choice of pants could have been a pair of black pants. Liza Long writes in her own words that she compares her son to those people who flipped out and shot up a school. Who knows what is happening behind the scenes if the mother is telling her son directly he is just like those people and that is his destiny. Those people who snap and go on a shooting rampage sterotypically wear black cargo pants. If the mother constantly tells her son that he is just like those shooters, and the only other choice of pants were the black pants, the son is going to do everything he possibly can to want to prove his mother wrong, that he is not like the shooters. The son is going to insist on choosing the navy blue pants over the black pants.
Michael (name changed) has a mother that labels him with having a mental illness. She compares him to a list of shooters who went on a rampage. Michael's school allows black pants, which are the color of choice of psychotic people who bring guns to schools for the specific purpose of using it as an act of war. What is the big frekin deal about navy blue pants?
The mother says her son has a mental illness because he reacts in anger over trivial matters. Or does the mother have a mental illness which causes her to barrage her son with trivial inane arguments. You have to listen to both sides.
Liza Long Writes:
We decided to transfer him to the district’s most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can’t function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30-1:50 Monday through Friday until they turn 18.
Why does Liza Long phrase her son's school environment as "free public babysitting". A school environment should understand the quirkiness that comes with high intelligence. Liza long's son needs a school where he can learn. It should not be a place that simply tries to control behavior without understanding the whole picture.
Liza Long's son did everything anyone can possibly do to have an intelligent rational conversation with his mother. His mother would not respond to logic. He wanted to wear the navy blue pants. Without knowing all of the facts, it is quite possible the only other choice was black pants. Liza long wrote in her own words that she compares her son to specific shooters who went on a killing spree. Michael wanted to wear the navy blue pants. If given the opportunity to explain his decision, he most likely had legitimate reasoning for that.
Liza Long writes:
His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. “Then I’m going to kill myself,” he said. “I’m going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself.”
Liza long accuses her son as having calculated rage. I have to say that it looks like Liza Long is being calculating when she dumps all of this unnecessary drama upon her son. Passive aggressiveness is calculated rage.
When a child has behavior problems, the last thing that is needed is adding any more abuse during the process of trying to correct those behavioral problems. You have to observe the behavior of the parent. If a child is stuck in a situation where they are being abused by a parent on a daily basis, that child needs help to stop the abuse from happening anymore.